


held, warmly [an introspective dani ficlet]

by GalaChat



Category: Midsommar (2019)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Cults, During Canon, Family, Introspection, particularly because this takes place in the last moments of the film, rip christian, she considers the hargans to be family, this is midsommar we're talking about so the hargans are viewed in a positive respect to dani, unfortunately
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:27:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26808877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalaChat/pseuds/GalaChat
Summary: In which Dani realizes the meaning of Pelle's earlier words.[ this is relatively short and not really the best work i've written. i've just been literally obsessed with this movie and felt so strongly that i wanted to write *something* for it, even if it's just a little thing lol. ]
Kudos: 11





	held, warmly [an introspective dani ficlet]

**Author's Note:**

> [ this introspective piece takes place during the final moments of the film. it is a brief glance into dani's broken psyche as she watches the temple burn. ]

A wheeze, animalistic, tribal, ripped out of Dani’s throat. Then another. And another. If she could, Dani would retch and vomit right there in front of the sacred temple. But she’d already released all of the contents in her stomach. When she saw Christian...

Her tears flowed heavier down her reddened cheeks, for a new reason now, as she stumbled through the field. Memories, bittersweet and harrowing, tore at her already brutally destroyed heart. He hurt her so badly. Dani knew they weren’t going to last--they’d been in the devaluation phase for so long, it was only a matter of time until discard came along--but fuck, did he have to… with Maja…? When she worked so hard to keep them afloat, to understand him? Even her conscience couldn’t say his actions aloud. It hurt so fucking bad.

And now she was evil. Overwhelmed with the desire for revenge and the obligation to do as her new family wanted, she’d commanded Christian’s death. She was a monster. A worse monster than how she’d viewed her sister at one point. A worse monster than how she’d viewed the Hårgans at one point. So much worse.

Dani's meandering came to a halt. Body hunched, sore; tired, aching. She hiccupped and sniveled while turning her attention to the temple. Its smoke wrapped itself around her throat like a noose, entrapping her, choking her, forcing her to feel regret. It burned, and it ached, and it reminded her yet again of how horrible she truly was.

But another emotion arose as she eyed the glowing building. It… was surprisingly warm, like a caring embrace. This was her doing. She chose Christian to be the ninth sacrifice. And it might be evil. It might make her a monster. But it also makes her a queen. She was the May Queen. Chosen. Respected. Honored. Loved.

They loved her. Cared for her. The Hårgans filled the void that Christian never could. The void of her parents and sister, the void her anxiety forced upon her. Hälsingland wept with her, sobbed with her, laughed with her, danced with her, held onto her--

Oh.

So this is what Pelle meant.

So this is what being held feels like.

Warmth enveloped her skin as though the arms of the Hårgans were embracing her themselves, despite them all writhing and screaming behind her. That combined with Dani’s dress which consumed her entire being--perhaps even her emotions and memories--caused sweat to drip down her body. It was so warm. The air, her body, all of it was so, so warm. Being held felt so wonderfully warm. So much warmer than Christian’s hugs, than the way he slumped over her as she wailed at her grief, than the way he so grudgingly gave her physical contact when she was distressed. It was so much warmer.

It was worth it. Oh god, it was all so worth it. If this sense of belonging, of importance, of love, of being held was something only the Hårgans could offer her, it was all worth it. All of the sacrifices were worth such a euphoric feeling. She’d do this midsummer trip all over again if it meant she could be here with them, the Hårgans. Monster or not, Dani had found a home. She learned what it felt like to be held.

The temple fire grew. Blinded. With the light of the raging fire reflective in her eyes, smoke infiltrating her lungs much like her sister’s and parents’, the kaleidoscope known as her heart constantly shifting, she smiled.

She has surrendered to a joy known only by the insane. She has lost herself completely, and she is finally free. 

It is horrible and it is beautiful.


End file.
